Dear Lady Lambeau,
Have you noticed that many Packers players have really long hair? How long is too long? Any thoughts?
had it up to HAIR
Dear had it up to HAIR,
Yes, I’ve noticed. But it’s not uncommon around the league.
Nonetheless, every time the Packers take the field I cringe. It’s not the banana yellow pants, or the fact that Brett Favre’s fine tushy will never again be encased in them on the Frozen Tundra.
No, it’s the hair. You know what I’m talking about.
Al Harris.
Atari Bigby.
AJ Hawk.
Mark Tauscher.
Nevin McCaskill.
Jake Allen.
Cut it off. If your hair is longer than mine, it’s no good. If I can’t see the number on your back — let alone your name — it’s time to see the barber. If he can’t squeeze you in, anyone with a scissors will do.
This isn’t hockey. You can’t be business in the front and party in the back.
Do you know how much I pray when a purple-clad Norseman is tackling you that he grabs a fistful of your long flowing locks and gives a nice tug? Not so it hurts — just so that it’s pulled out for good and I don’t have to feel like I’m rocking out on some Bret Michaels reality TV show.
Seriously, can someone call the Commish? I’m think there should be a rule against long hair. It’s distracting. It’s unsightly. It’s annoying.
If you’re going to sport long hair, pull it back in a bun and get a bigger helmet.
Much love,
Lady Lambeau
P.S. Aaron Rodgers, Joaquin Phoenix called. He wants you to stop copying his style. I think that means you need a shave and a haircut.
*e-mail your letters to Lady Lambeau at olbagofdonuts@gmail.com.
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